Exciting New Walt Disney World Announcements

 

The Disney Company is celebrating Walt Disney World's 50th Anniversary with magical surprise announcements.  Disney Chairman Bob Chapek announced the changes in a small meeting of remaining Chapek loyalists.  "We listened to our guests who are asking for entirely new and exciting experiences.” said Chapek. “We will be responding those requests by creating cost effective temporary overlays to existing attractions." Cheapek went on to say that each park will have new attractions featuring fan favorite Disney classic movies from the 90's and 2000's.  The following is a park by park summary of the announcements.  

Chapek announced "Disney’s The Magical Kingdom will have two new features that paying customers are going to love!" The first announced change will be for Frontierland.  Guests will be transported to the Little Patch of Heaven Ranch and have interactive experiences with characters from the critically lauded classic Disney film "Home on the Range."  The"Milking Maggie" experience will feature a lifelike animatronic cow with realistic milk dispensing udder (they’re not real). The milk will be available to purchase in collectable cups for a "reasonable price." The Country Bear Jamboree will be renamed the “Yodeling with Alameda Slim Show" where guests can yodel along with Slim and the Bears during the nearly 5 minute performance. 

Tomorrowland will see new activity in the former Mission to Mars /Stitch's Great Escape show building. The attraction will be renamed Mission to Mars Needs Moms and will feature characters and themes from the Disney smash hit movie.  Guests will fly to Mars with Milo and Gribble to save Milo's mom who was kidnapped by Martians for some reason. 

"Disney’s The Hollywood Movie Studios will also get into the revenue generating fun with the triumphant return of the Hunchback of Notre Dame stage show” added Chapek. “To maximize revenue while limiting resources, we will basically be using the same costumes, music, and props from the original heavily attended show."  To keep the show current, unused scaffolding will be put in front of the Notre Dame background to accurately recreate the current condition of the original building being reconstructed in Paris.  

Another excitingly unnecessary redesign to celebrate the 50th will be the conversion of 50's Prime Time restaurant into the Mr. Magoo Diner.  "I hear that people love the interactivity of the Prime Time place there and we want to add something new." Paycheck said. "Imagine the fun of having that blind rascal, Mr. Magoo as you waiter! Guests will laugh with glee at Mr. Magoo's visual deficits as he risks physical harm by tripping and spilling hot soup and food on them." An added bonus will be the hiring of actual blind white elderly males to inhabit the role!

"Disney's Kingdom of Animals will go wild with a new addition!" Chapek said.  The safari ride will be rethemed to the hit Disney film "The Wild."  Cheapskate noted. "We will reference everyone's favorite jungle friends Samson and his son Ryan by placing signs with their names on them in front of our real lions."  Additional animals that look like characters from the film will also get signs!  Chapek's eyes light up uncannily as he describes another new change. "Since we already have a Dinosaur ride, we won't change anything, just add the label "Based on the Hit Film"."  DVD's will be sold at a new cart at the exit so people will know the film even exists.

Lastly, EPCOT gets into the celebration. Fan favorite ride Soarin' will receive a new update. "We are excited to announce the update based on the wildly popular Disney classic film, "Valiant" adding new interactive features!" screamed Chapstick.  Visitors will get a pigeon-eye view while flying with everyone's favorite poorly rendered pigeons, Valiant, Bugsy and Lofty. Guests will use squirt bottles filled with white and yellow viscous fluid to emulate birds defecating on people and cars below.  The guest with the most “poop hits” will receive a 5% off coupon for souvenir purchases on their next visit!  

 "We are halfway through the 50th Anniversary celebration and we haven't seen the uptick in attendance we expected, so we hope this will improve attendance and revenue for the company without having to add any costly creativity and innovation." 

Disney rereleasing Virtual Magic Kingdom

Due to the Coronavirus outbreak, Disney parks around the world are closed indefinitely. In light of this, new Disney CEO Bob Chapek announced that the company will be rereleasing the popular Virtual Magic Kingdom online experience. "We want Disney Parks fans to enjoy our one-of-a-kind storytelling experience while staying at home practicing social distancing." said Chapek.

Created in 2006, Virtual Magic Kingdom or VMK was a massively multiplayer online (MMO) game where participants could create custom avatars, rooms, shop in-game stores, and interact with other players in a virtual Disney theme park setting. Players would log on with their DSL modems while sitting comfortably at their Dell or HP desktop computer. The experience included navigating the isometric landscape while participating in mini games and contests to earn credits and items.

While remaining true to the original version, the release will have a few changes. Most notably, character interactions will be limited to a six foot distance as indicated by a visual representation of Goofy's large shoe.  Additionally, the Grim Grinning Ghosts from The Haunted Mansion will refrain from coming out to socialize.

System requirements to access the game include a desktop PC running Windows Vista or Apple iMac running OS-X (Tiger). Connection to the internet may be achieved via a DSL modem.  "We are expecting many Millennials to flock to the game, which may overload the original servers. So please be patient." said Chapek.  So while you are cooped up at home, visit the Virtual Magic Kingdom.  It's better than Club Penguin!
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Ok, this was an April Fool's joke brought to you by your friends here at LightEars and Tomorrowland Metro Retro Historical Society.  We hope this post gave you a reason to smile in these trying times.  Remember to "Just keep swimming" and "Keep moving forward" so that we can all get through this together. Also, If you want to relive your VMK memories, and make new ones with the next generation, there is a fan-made version still active called MyVMK.  You can find it at myvmk.com.

Hicks vs Aliens: Spaced Invaders Review

Ask anyone what their favorite Disney Halloween film is and chances are they will respond with Hocus Pocus, Halloweentown, or The Legend Of Sleepy Hollow. There is a pretty good chance that they won’t respond with 1990’s Spaced Invaders. There isn’t a lot of love for this Touchstone Halloween gem. It managed to score a dismal 8% rating on Rotten Tomatoes and got a less than stellar review from Robert Ebert. The film did poorly in the cinemas and quickly faded from the public consciousness. I first saw the film on cable and the 7 year-old in me enjoyed the slapstick elements while the adult in me found the premise and culture clash hilarious.

The premise is that a rag-tag band of Martian outcasts are given the menial duty of patrolling asteroid belts while the Martian Imperial Space Navy attacks their enemy in Arcturus. The Martian forces are defeated due to the forced reliance on Enforcer Droids. The outcasts search for a signal from the fleet and instead overhear a rebroadcast of the famous Orsen Wells Halloween prank broadcast of The War of the Worlds. Like many Americans during the broadcast, the actual Martians believe the attack on Grover’s Mill is real. The band makes a beeline to Earth to join the invading Martian vanguard. They end up in the fictional rural town of Big Bean Illinois and hilarity ensues. The good people of Big Bean are a mix of stereotypes including a down on his luck old farmer played by veteran actor Royal Dano and the “New Sheriff in town” Sam played by Douglas Barr and his daughter Kathy played by future Jurassic Park alum Ariana Richards.

The Martians get into trouble right away by being clocked at 3000 miles an hour in a 35 zone by the Sherriff's deputy and pull a Back to the Future style crash in farmer Wrenchmuller’s barn. The crew consist of a mix of characters including the militaristic Giggywig whose favorite line is “Prepare to die Earth scum!” and the Jack Nicholson-cool pilot Blaznee. Being that the events occur on Halloween, the group is initially mistaken as trick-or-treaters until the dim-witted townsfolk realize what they are.

While the inhabitants of Big Bean are two dimensional stereotypical small town types, this works to the comedic betterment of the film. One standout character is a boy in a duck costume, played by J.J. Anderson,who steals every scene he is in.  The characteristics of the Martians are a nice throwback to sci-fi troupes of the 50's. The effects hold up remarkably well, due to Director Patrick Read Johnson’s early career work as a practical effects expert on 2010:The Year We Made Contact and the TV miniseries V, although my daughter commented that the Martian's heads look like talking watermelons.  Many parts of the film work and some don't but for a light-hearted, seasonal offering Spaced Invaders is an enjoyable Halloween watch with the kiddos.

Disney Parks Announces Smoker Accommodations

Disney Parks announced this week that smoking will be banned at all Disney theme parks.  While smoking will still be permitted on property, smokers will have to leave the theme parks (and their families) to get their fix.  This decision was applauded by non-smokers as a breath of fresh air.  Smokers have been very vocal as to their disapproval of the decision and have gone to social media to vent their un-filtered outrage.  They accuse Disney of discrimination and of shaming those who suffer from nicotine addiction.   While a Disney vacation is a magical experience, it can also be very stressful for individuals trying to manage Fastpasses while organizing the many advance reservations required to dine on any food other than turkey legs and chicken tenders.  The side effects of smoking cessation, even temporary, are increased anxiety, irritability, impatience, and increased appetite for sweets and carbs.  All of these factors may be amplified by the inherent stress of a family vacation.

Always on the forefront of customer service, The Disney Company has revealed new accommodations to help smokers, and the people who love them. Bob Chapek, Chairman of Disney Parks, addressed this issue. "We here at Disney want to ensure that everyone  has a pleasant and profanity free vacation experience at the Happiest Place on Earth." said Chapek.  "The new plan is broken up into 3 main components: Accommodation, Education, and Alternative Choices". 


For the "Accommodation" component, Disney has added smoking to the list of approved needs the Disney Disability Access Card program to ensure quick access to rides without subjecting the already anxious smoker to long waits, protecting them and those waiting in a three hour cue from the risk of verbal or physical attack. Additionally, Disney has established "Calming Stations" in the former sites of the now defunct Kodak Photo Spots.  Each station will be manned by caring and compassionate Cast Members and will be equipped with stress balls, massage chairs, and selections by musical artist Enya. 

Proposed "Calming Station" signage

For the Education component, Disney will include information regarding smoking risks with park maps and on the "My Disney Experience" mobile app.  The most exciting aspect of the Education concept is the return of the Kids of the Kingdom rebranded as The Nico-Teens!  The show will be updated to reflect modern sensitivities with a focus on smoking prevention. The newly titled "Nico-Teen Clean Lung Adventure" show will combine music and dance to extol the virtues and health benefits of smoking cessation to at-risk kids age 3 and up.  "Halfway into the performance, half of the Nico-Teens will have to leave the stage from the fatigue and shortness of breath brought on by smoking." said Chapek. "It will be a powerful lesson, done in the lighthearted spirit for which Disney is famous."

The Nico-Teens

The final component of providing "Alternative Choices" will allow nicotine addicted guests to explore a variety of replacement behaviors.  Convenient vending kiosks will be available serving jittery smokers with a wide selection of sweet and greasy food options, as well as supersized cups of  coffee. Chapek was most excited about the new "Gaston's Chew Spot" located outside Gaston's Tavern in Fantasyland at Walt Disney World. "Guests will have the opportunity to "Spit like Gaston" while competing with other tobacco chewing guests." Group and individual coaching sessions will be provided by experienced Cast Members, Chapek announced.  "Whether you have been dippin' for years, or trying it out for the first time, our cast will assist you with all your chaw needs. Disney has always strived to add new experiences that our guests can take home with them."

With guest attendance projected to be at an all-time high with the big drag of Star Wars Galaxy's Edge, Disney is hoping to get ahead of the possible complications caused by unruly smokers in large numbers.  Disney's can then set it's sights on other societal issues.  "We have already begun work on defeating childhood obesity by banning large strollers from the parks." reported Chapek.  "The health and longevity of our money paying guests is our top priority."

Space Mountain Ghost Galaxy coming to Walt Disney World?

Disney Parks Blog  just announced two new Halloween themed overlays coming to The Magic Kingdom during Mickey's Not So Scary Halloween Party. The first is a new spooky experience at Pirates of the Caribbean including a new interactive experience where guests join the Pirates looking for a new character named Gunpowder Pete.
The second announcement is a new soundtrack and effects for Space Mountain for the Halloween season.  It can be speculated that the popular Ghost Galaxy overlay at Disneyland's version of Space Mountain will be duplicated in Florida. Ghost Galaxy features a loose narrative, scary soundtrack, and jump scare projections. No additional information regarding either update is currently available.

Seasonal overlays have been popular for years in Disneyland in the form of Christmas themed Small World overlay, and the hugely popular Nightmare Before Christmas themed Haunted Mansion Holiday.  Walt Disney World's first ever overlay was Jingle Cruise adding holiday jokes and props to the Adventureland classic ride, The Jungle Cruise. So why hasn't the Florida park had the same guest opportunities as California's Disneyland? The answer may be in the makeup of the guests themselves.  While Walt Disney World is the number one international tourist destination in the world, Disneyland caters to a more local clientele.  Whereas Disneyland guests may come to the park multiple times a year, typical non-Florida resident guests and international guests my only be able to visit Walt Disney World once in their lifetime.  Imagineers may be less likely to change the experiences for those who want to experience the original attractions.
That may be changing with the two new Halloween experiences and the announced addition of the Mad Tea Party, also transplanted from Disneyland.  One can assume that, based on feedback, more temporary changes may be on the horizon, especially with the 50th Anniversary just around the corner in 2021.  Could the EleTRONica experience be on the way for the opening of the new TRON coaster in Tomorrowland?  Here's hoping!