Disney rereleasing Virtual Magic Kingdom

Due to the Coronavirus outbreak, Disney parks around the world are closed indefinitely. In light of this, new Disney CEO Bob Chapek announced that the company will be rereleasing the popular Virtual Magic Kingdom online experience. "We want Disney Parks fans to enjoy our one-of-a-kind storytelling experience while staying at home practicing social distancing." said Chapek.

Created in 2006, Virtual Magic Kingdom or VMK was a massively multiplayer online (MMO) game where participants could create custom avatars, rooms, shop in-game stores, and interact with other players in a virtual Disney theme park setting. Players would log on with their DSL modems while sitting comfortably at their Dell or HP desktop computer. The experience included navigating the isometric landscape while participating in mini games and contests to earn credits and items.

While remaining true to the original version, the release will have a few changes. Most notably, character interactions will be limited to a six foot distance as indicated by a visual representation of Goofy's large shoe.  Additionally, the Grim Grinning Ghosts from The Haunted Mansion will refrain from coming out to socialize.

System requirements to access the game include a desktop PC running Windows Vista or Apple iMac running OS-X (Tiger). Connection to the internet may be achieved via a DSL modem.  "We are expecting many Millennials to flock to the game, which may overload the original servers. So please be patient." said Chapek.  So while you are cooped up at home, visit the Virtual Magic Kingdom.  It's better than Club Penguin!
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Ok, this was an April Fool's joke brought to you by your friends here at LightEars and Tomorrowland Metro Retro Historical Society.  We hope this post gave you a reason to smile in these trying times.  Remember to "Just keep swimming" and "Keep moving forward" so that we can all get through this together. Also, If you want to relive your VMK memories, and make new ones with the next generation, there is a fan-made version still active called MyVMK.  You can find it at myvmk.com.

Hicks vs Aliens: Spaced Invaders Review

Ask anyone what their favorite Disney Halloween film is and chances are they will respond with Hocus Pocus, Halloweentown, or The Legend Of Sleepy Hollow. There is a pretty good chance that they won’t respond with 1990’s Spaced Invaders. There isn’t a lot of love for this Touchstone Halloween gem. It managed to score a dismal 8% rating on Rotten Tomatoes and got a less than stellar review from Robert Ebert. The film did poorly in the cinemas and quickly faded from the public consciousness. I first saw the film on cable and the 7 year-old in me enjoyed the slapstick elements while the adult in me found the premise and culture clash hilarious.

The premise is that a rag-tag band of Martian outcasts are given the menial duty of patrolling asteroid belts while the Martian Imperial Space Navy attacks their enemy in Arcturus. The Martian forces are defeated due to the forced reliance on Enforcer Droids. The outcasts search for a signal from the fleet and instead overhear a rebroadcast of the famous Orsen Wells Halloween prank broadcast of The War of the Worlds. Like many Americans during the broadcast, the actual Martians believe the attack on Grover’s Mill is real. The band makes a beeline to Earth to join the invading Martian vanguard. They end up in the fictional rural town of Big Bean Illinois and hilarity ensues. The good people of Big Bean are a mix of stereotypes including a down on his luck old farmer played by veteran actor Royal Dano and the “New Sheriff in town” Sam played by Douglas Barr and his daughter Kathy played by future Jurassic Park alum Ariana Richards.

The Martians get into trouble right away by being clocked at 3000 miles an hour in a 35 zone by the Sherriff's deputy and pull a Back to the Future style crash in farmer Wrenchmuller’s barn. The crew consist of a mix of characters including the militaristic Giggywig whose favorite line is “Prepare to die Earth scum!” and the Jack Nicholson-cool pilot Blaznee. Being that the events occur on Halloween, the group is initially mistaken as trick-or-treaters until the dim-witted townsfolk realize what they are.

While the inhabitants of Big Bean are two dimensional stereotypical small town types, this works to the comedic betterment of the film. One standout character is a boy in a duck costume, played by J.J. Anderson,who steals every scene he is in.  The characteristics of the Martians are a nice throwback to sci-fi troupes of the 50's. The effects hold up remarkably well, due to Director Patrick Read Johnson’s early career work as a practical effects expert on 2010:The Year We Made Contact and the TV miniseries V, although my daughter commented that the Martian's heads look like talking watermelons.  Many parts of the film work and some don't but for a light-hearted, seasonal offering Spaced Invaders is an enjoyable Halloween watch with the kiddos.

Disney Parks Announces Smoker Accommodations

Disney Parks announced this week that smoking will be banned at all Disney theme parks.  While smoking will still be permitted on property, smokers will have to leave the theme parks (and their families) to get their fix.  This decision was applauded by non-smokers as a breath of fresh air.  Smokers have been very vocal as to their disapproval of the decision and have gone to social media to vent their un-filtered outrage.  They accuse Disney of discrimination and of shaming those who suffer from nicotine addiction.   While a Disney vacation is a magical experience, it can also be very stressful for individuals trying to manage Fastpasses while organizing the many advance reservations required to dine on any food other than turkey legs and chicken tenders.  The side effects of smoking cessation, even temporary, are increased anxiety, irritability, impatience, and increased appetite for sweets and carbs.  All of these factors may be amplified by the inherent stress of a family vacation.

Always on the forefront of customer service, The Disney Company has revealed new accommodations to help smokers, and the people who love them. Bob Chapek, Chairman of Disney Parks, addressed this issue. "We here at Disney want to ensure that everyone  has a pleasant and profanity free vacation experience at the Happiest Place on Earth." said Chapek.  "The new plan is broken up into 3 main components: Accommodation, Education, and Alternative Choices". 


For the "Accommodation" component, Disney has added smoking to the list of approved needs the Disney Disability Access Card program to ensure quick access to rides without subjecting the already anxious smoker to long waits, protecting them and those waiting in a three hour cue from the risk of verbal or physical attack. Additionally, Disney has established "Calming Stations" in the former sites of the now defunct Kodak Photo Spots.  Each station will be manned by caring and compassionate Cast Members and will be equipped with stress balls, massage chairs, and selections by musical artist Enya. 

Proposed "Calming Station" signage

For the Education component, Disney will include information regarding smoking risks with park maps and on the "My Disney Experience" mobile app.  The most exciting aspect of the Education concept is the return of the Kids of the Kingdom rebranded as The Nico-Teens!  The show will be updated to reflect modern sensitivities with a focus on smoking prevention. The newly titled "Nico-Teen Clean Lung Adventure" show will combine music and dance to extol the virtues and health benefits of smoking cessation to at-risk kids age 3 and up.  "Halfway into the performance, half of the Nico-Teens will have to leave the stage from the fatigue and shortness of breath brought on by smoking." said Chapek. "It will be a powerful lesson, done in the lighthearted spirit for which Disney is famous."

The Nico-Teens

The final component of providing "Alternative Choices" will allow nicotine addicted guests to explore a variety of replacement behaviors.  Convenient vending kiosks will be available serving jittery smokers with a wide selection of sweet and greasy food options, as well as supersized cups of  coffee. Chapek was most excited about the new "Gaston's Chew Spot" located outside Gaston's Tavern in Fantasyland at Walt Disney World. "Guests will have the opportunity to "Spit like Gaston" while competing with other tobacco chewing guests." Group and individual coaching sessions will be provided by experienced Cast Members, Chapek announced.  "Whether you have been dippin' for years, or trying it out for the first time, our cast will assist you with all your chaw needs. Disney has always strived to add new experiences that our guests can take home with them."

With guest attendance projected to be at an all-time high with the big drag of Star Wars Galaxy's Edge, Disney is hoping to get ahead of the possible complications caused by unruly smokers in large numbers.  Disney's can then set it's sights on other societal issues.  "We have already begun work on defeating childhood obesity by banning large strollers from the parks." reported Chapek.  "The health and longevity of our money paying guests is our top priority."