Real Steel Review

 I watched Real Steel to try and get a feel for Shawn Levy’s directorial style before Starfighter comes out. Also I’ve had this one on my personal watchlist for a while. Throughout the over two hour runtime, I never felt like the film dragged.  Adapting a Richard Matheson story to the screen isn’t always easy (see What Dreams May Come and I Am Legend) but screenwriter John Gatins infuses the action with enough heart to keep things moving. While the story owes much to 1979’s The Champ, the relationship between Hugh Jackman’s washed up boxer/roboboxer and his estranged son genuinely moved me. 

With both Spielberg and Zemekis as executive producers and backed up by the combined powerhouses of Amblin and Disney, I’m surprised that this film didn’t do better.  I vaguely remember that the marketing wasn’t especially memorable. Certainly not enough to get butts in theater seats. The robot effects are on par with Bay’s Transformers and coming out around the same time as the third installment, this film might have suffered from robot fatigue. While the film doesn’t set itself up for a sequel, it would’ve been cool to see a Rocky II style rematch between the two main robots. 

Alien Series Special Editions

 I have owned the Alien Quadrilogy/Ripley saga on multiple formats (VHS, DVD, Blu-ray) for decades and have never been motivated to pop in Alien 3. It was probably the disappointment of having watched it during the original theatrical run that soured me on a rewatch. The release of the Assembly Cut on HBO/Max combined with the knowledge of what an incredible Director Fincher became, led me to give this berated film another try. Coming in at thirty minutes longer than the studio butchered theatrical version, the Assembly Cut gives the characters more time to develop and the set designs to shine. The bleakness of penal colony planet has given way to a striking world clearly inspired by the German Expressionism of Fritz Lang’s Metropolis and even David Lynch’s DUNE. Some great decisions were made in this version, including showing Ripley’s sacrificial fall omitting the chest buster.  Whereas the cast is a Who’s Who of British acting royalty, the standout characters are Charles S. Dutton and obviously the incredible Sigourney Weaver during the peak of her career. 

Alien 3 benefits from the contrast effect of lesser films later in the series with the exception of Alien: Covenant and Alien: Romulus. Alien Resurrection and AVP are pure 90’s cheese which stray far from the signature bleakness and hopelessness of the first three films. The Assembly Cut isn’t perfect with some pacing problems and mismatched score cues, but provides a degree of redemption for a much maligned entry in the Alien universe.

For Alien Resurrection I caught the extended cut on HBO Max, and honestly, I don’t remember enough about the theatrical version to say if it’s an improvement. Critical consensus says no. This one is a guilty pleasure. Sure the swimming CGI alien is wonky, but Ripley as a kick-butt Alien Terminator? Yes, please!

TRON Ares Review

 “Ready? Because there’s no going back.” 

That quote by Jeff Bridges’ Flynn avatar may be sadly prophetic based on the box office performance of Disney’s latest entry in the TRON saga. With a relatively weak opening, TRON Ares may be the last visit to The Grid, at least in theaters. This hits harder because all of the films in the trilogy are better seen on the big screen. In order to get the best experience, I sprung for an IMAX Laser 3D ticket like I did for TRON:Legacy back in 2010. This decision is based on the fact that TRON films have historically been effects and score driven spectacles with story as an afterthought. This is what one should expect going in. 

While the original 1982 lightly explored a quasi-religious relationship between programs and their users, and the 2010 film touched on loss and betrayal, TRON Ares digs a little deeper into heavy philosophical issues. Tackling heavy topics like mortality, morality, and unchecked AI, director Joachim Rønning takes some big swings attempting to bring relevance and immediacy to the TRON universe. The challenge is balancing high concept and the spectacle which another Jared Leto film, Blade Runner 2049, attempted to a more successful degree than this film. TRON Ares is definitely darker and grittier than the previous two films with the Nine Inch Nails score driving the point home and is the first TRON film to feature the death of a human character. 

Ultimately TRON Ares is a fun, visually striking film that brings the electronic world into our own, which was alluded to in the previous film, now fully realized. No big jumps in technology in the last fifteen years, unlike the twenty-nine year gap from TRON to TRON:Legacy, resulting in a smoother transition to this latest release. Then there is the music. Of all popular film series, the TRON films have had the most varied yet consistently excellent scores, including by the Oscar winning team of Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross performing as industrial powerhouse Nine Inch Nails. 

More than a series of action sequences (although there are plenty and they are exciting) and a cool soundtrack, TRON Ares is a valiant effort to bring some gravitas and deeper meaning to a film series better known for flash and spectacle and we are better for it. As a TRON fanatic since 1982, I am clearly biased and thankful for one more trip to The Grid, and that old school Lightcycle, are you kidding me?! 

PSA: stay for the mid-credit scene. If you don’t get it, ask a member of the TRON faithful. 

Dr. Syn, Alias The Scarecrow

 I watched the 1963 three part miniseries The Scarecrow of Romney Marsh as it aired on Walt Disney’s World of Color TV program. Although it was later released as a compressed feature length film, I was able to track down a clear copy of the original airing with introductions by Uncle Walt himself. The Scarecrow is the smuggling, Robin Hood-like alter ego of Vicar Dr. Syn played by the incredible Patrick McGoohan. Syn was a real life British hero to the poor under King George’s rule around the time of the American Revolution. The miniseries never drags on and kept me engaged the entire run. It’s unfortunate that the story didn’t continue, even though the original author Russel Thorndyke wrote more adventures for the rouge and his band of smugglers.

Escape to Witch Mountain 50th Anniversary Review

 After not seeing this Disney classic after 40 years during its repeated runs on HBO, I decided the 50th anniversary would be a good time to dust off the DVD. Top notch performances by legends Eddie Albert, Ray Miland, and Donald Pleasance and breakout performances by Kim Richards (my 70’s crush) and future “son of Kahn” Ike Eisenmann add to the fun. What makes this film stand out from typical Disney films of the time is a palpable and unsettling sense of dread throughout the story. As with all Disney films, there is a happy ending, but getting there takes going through some very dark themes including abandonment, manipulation, and betrayal. The effects department did what they could with the technology of the period which adds to the charm, especially the scene with the marionettes dancing on their own. This film is notable for Legend of  Hell House director John Hough relying on his horror chops and not shying away from some darker, more adult themes. 

Alien:Romulus Review

 Alien:Romulus puts aside any concerns of Disneyfication by giving us a real nail biter that doesn’t shy away from gore. Director Fede Álvarez’s film combines some brilliantly realized practical and CGI Xenomorphs with inventive action sequences. In spite of some throwaway characters, I found myself truly invested in the heroine Rain and her synthetic “brother” Andy. There is an interesting spin on the Aliens’ rapid growth cycle and creative use of zero gravity. The film is weakest when throwing in some obvious callbacks including an extremely misguided attempt at raising Cain (wink wink.) I’d put Alien:Romulus above any film after James Cameron’s 1986 Aliens.

Poor Things Review

 Of all the things I could’ve watched on family friendly Disney+, Yorgos Lanthimo’s Poor Things is the one I chose and I’m so glad I did! The film is a brilliant surreal period piece with a plot somewhere between Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein and Alex Martin’s Ex Machina. Emma Stone’s Oscar winning portrayal of the reanimated Bella and Willem Dafoe’s disfigured doctor are standouts. The blend of CG and practical settings with a fantastical story make for an engaging and funny viewing experience. Definitely not for viewing with the kids as we follow Bella’s infantile brain learning how to navigate her womanhood and sexuality. All elements combine for a complete film and masterpiece of modern cinema.

The review of the movie of the Kingdom of the Planet of the Apes.

 

2011’s  Rise of the Planet of the Apes kicked off one of the most consistently high quality (and underrated) movie franchises in recent history. In the age of multiverses and franchise building, The Planet of the Apes has bucked the trend of diminishing returns, until now. The latest installment by Disney owned Fox Studios is set after many generations separated from the Caesar saga. This film serves as a kind of soft reboot, especially when it tackles the outcome of the virus that now leaves the human survivors mute and cognitively impaired. The story is a predictable hero’s journey narrative, and the motion capture technology and visuals haven’t advanced much from the groundbreaking 2011 film. There is a little humor mixed in provided by Peter Jerrod Macon whose voice fans of The Orville series will recognize as Lt. Commander Bortus. His portrayal of the wise Caesar historian Orangutan is engaging and heartfelt. The film, while entertaining, is the weakest of the series.

Deadpool and Wolverine Review

What does an audience want from a long-anticipated Deadpool and Wolverine team up? Director Shawn Levy and star Ryan Reynolds know. So much so that Deadpool literally says it during the one of many signature fourth wall breaks. To the unspoiled, many surprises abound in the form of callbacks and cameos. The entire film screams fan service and not only makes no effort to hide it, it throws it in your face! Yes, by this third film the novelty has worn a little thin, and Marvel killed the vibe with the She Hulk series. The main protagonist is forgettable, and actually it’s unforgivable that a certain brainiac X-Man didn’t show up to provide a redemption arc for the baddie. Also disappointing was the lack of onscreen reveal of Reynolds’s wife Blake Lively as Lady Deadpool, and his daughter Inez as “Kidpool” respectively. Lively confirmed it. Also a mild letdown for the Swifties out there. All nitpicking aside, Deadpool and Wolverine is a fun, if not stellar, introduction of our heroes to the MCU. Gory and foul mouthed, it’s amazing this film even exists under the Disney umbrella.

My Science Project Review

 Disney’s entry into the 80’s “science” movie craze is a forgettable time bending flick. Decent SFX for the time and a theme song by The Tubes (one of my favorite 80’s bands) can’t make up for the flat teen acting and sketchy attempts at humor. The exception is a truly gonzo performance by Dennis Hopper! Watch Weird Science or Real Genius instead to get your 80’s nerd fix.

Trailer Mania

Everything about Super Bowl LVII was exciting. Football fans watched a nail biter of a game, Rihanna fans got one of the best Halftime shows in recent memory, and movie fans

some amazing trailers. Disney’s entries in the million dollar spots did not disappoint.

Kicking off (pun intended) the big three was the trailer for Guardians of the Galaxy Volume 4. The new trailer included footage from the prior trailer while adding some new clips matched with a killer track from the band Rainbow. We knew there was going to be funny and heartbreaking moments being that this is the last in the series. Watch the trailer below.

Next up is the trailer from Lucasfilm’s new entry in the Indiana Jones franchise: Indiana Jones and Dial of Destiny. Here we see a de-aged Harrison Ford as a younger Indy. While there are some previously included clips, new scenes give us a glimpse into Indy’s (possibly) last time in the fedora. Watch the trailer below.

Finally, Disney thanks their fans for sharing in the company’s 100 year anniversary. In a promotional reel, the company traces their history through the multiple generations who have found magic through Disney’s films, cartoons, and theme parks. While short on 100th Anniversary celebration details, the commercial is a nostalgic trip to the past. Watch the trailer below.

2023 looks to be an exciting year for Disney fans young and old!

Exciting New Walt Disney World Announcements

 

The Disney Company is celebrating Walt Disney World's 50th Anniversary with magical surprise announcements.  Disney Chairman Bob Chapek announced the changes in a small meeting of remaining Chapek loyalists.  "We listened to our guests who are asking for entirely new and exciting experiences.” said Chapek. “We will be responding those requests by creating cost effective temporary overlays to existing attractions." Cheapek went on to say that each park will have new attractions featuring fan favorite Disney classic movies from the 90's and 2000's.  The following is a park by park summary of the announcements.  

Chapek announced "Disney’s The Magical Kingdom will have two new features that paying customers are going to love!" The first announced change will be for Frontierland.  Guests will be transported to the Little Patch of Heaven Ranch and have interactive experiences with characters from the critically lauded classic Disney film "Home on the Range."  The"Milking Maggie" experience will feature a lifelike animatronic cow with realistic milk dispensing udder (they’re not real). The milk will be available to purchase in collectable cups for a "reasonable price." The Country Bear Jamboree will be renamed the “Yodeling with Alameda Slim Show" where guests can yodel along with Slim and the Bears during the nearly 5 minute performance. 

Tomorrowland will see new activity in the former Mission to Mars /Stitch's Great Escape show building. The attraction will be renamed Mission to Mars Needs Moms and will feature characters and themes from the Disney smash hit movie.  Guests will fly to Mars with Milo and Gribble to save Milo's mom who was kidnapped by Martians for some reason. 

"Disney’s The Hollywood Movie Studios will also get into the revenue generating fun with the triumphant return of the Hunchback of Notre Dame stage show” added Chapek. “To maximize revenue while limiting resources, we will basically be using the same costumes, music, and props from the original heavily attended show."  To keep the show current, unused scaffolding will be put in front of the Notre Dame background to accurately recreate the current condition of the original building being reconstructed in Paris.  

Another excitingly unnecessary redesign to celebrate the 50th will be the conversion of 50's Prime Time restaurant into the Mr. Magoo Diner.  "I hear that people love the interactivity of the Prime Time place there and we want to add something new." Paycheck said. "Imagine the fun of having that blind rascal, Mr. Magoo as you waiter! Guests will laugh with glee at Mr. Magoo's visual deficits as he risks physical harm by tripping and spilling hot soup and food on them." An added bonus will be the hiring of actual blind white elderly males to inhabit the role!

"Disney's Kingdom of Animals will go wild with a new addition!" Chapek said.  The safari ride will be rethemed to the hit Disney film "The Wild."  Cheapskate noted. "We will reference everyone's favorite jungle friends Samson and his son Ryan by placing signs with their names on them in front of our real lions."  Additional animals that look like characters from the film will also get signs!  Chapek's eyes light up uncannily as he describes another new change. "Since we already have a Dinosaur ride, we won't change anything, just add the label "Based on the Hit Film"."  DVD's will be sold at a new cart at the exit so people will know the film even exists.

Lastly, EPCOT gets into the celebration. Fan favorite ride Soarin' will receive a new update. "We are excited to announce the update based on the wildly popular Disney classic film, "Valiant" adding new interactive features!" screamed Chapstick.  Visitors will get a pigeon-eye view while flying with everyone's favorite poorly rendered pigeons, Valiant, Bugsy and Lofty. Guests will use squirt bottles filled with white and yellow viscous fluid to emulate birds defecating on people and cars below.  The guest with the most “poop hits” will receive a 5% off coupon for souvenir purchases on their next visit!  

 "We are halfway through the 50th Anniversary celebration and we haven't seen the uptick in attendance we expected, so we hope this will improve attendance and revenue for the company without having to add any costly creativity and innovation." 

Sync Up Your Calendars!

 There comes a time when the cycles converge and the past becomes the future.

Along with the hope for a better year, 2022 also brings a special surprise for fans of 2011’s TRON:Legacy. If you still have your calendar from 2011, you can use it for 2022! How can this be? It just so happens that 2011 and 2022 share the same days and dates in perfect sync. 

Unfortunately, There is no 1983 OG TRON calendar, because that year works as well.

So dust off that old calendar, and go back to The Grid!

TRON Legacy Boredom Busters

Stay-at-home orders got you down? While we are all doing our part to stop the spread of Coronavirus, those who are stuck at home are getting bored and stressed. While we can’t escape to The Grid of TRON, we can find some things to occupy our time in the “real world.” To supplement repeated watchings of TRON and TRON legacy on Disney+, Lightears has found some print-at-home activities to keep cabin fever at bay.

Back when TRON Legacy was released, the Disney Family website created printable models that you could make at home with a color printer and some card stock. Available are Sam Flynn’s and Clu’s Lightcycles, and a Recognizer vehicle from the film.

Additionally, you can download a coloring page. While not nearly as complex as a Mandala page, this should keep you distracted for a good ten to twenty minutes.

At home with kids? The Disney Family site also has activities to print/make with the kiddos including a disk toss game, Shrinky Dink style key chain charms, and door hangers.
You can download all these and more activities from https://family.disney.com/search/Tron/.
Stay safe and healthy Programs!

Disney rereleasing Virtual Magic Kingdom

Due to the Coronavirus outbreak, Disney parks around the world are closed indefinitely. In light of this, new Disney CEO Bob Chapek announced that the company will be rereleasing the popular Virtual Magic Kingdom online experience. "We want Disney Parks fans to enjoy our one-of-a-kind storytelling experience while staying at home practicing social distancing." said Chapek.

Created in 2006, Virtual Magic Kingdom or VMK was a massively multiplayer online (MMO) game where participants could create custom avatars, rooms, shop in-game stores, and interact with other players in a virtual Disney theme park setting. Players would log on with their DSL modems while sitting comfortably at their Dell or HP desktop computer. The experience included navigating the isometric landscape while participating in mini games and contests to earn credits and items.

While remaining true to the original version, the release will have a few changes. Most notably, character interactions will be limited to a six foot distance as indicated by a visual representation of Goofy's large shoe.  Additionally, the Grim Grinning Ghosts from The Haunted Mansion will refrain from coming out to socialize.

System requirements to access the game include a desktop PC running Windows Vista or Apple iMac running OS-X (Tiger). Connection to the internet may be achieved via a DSL modem.  "We are expecting many Millennials to flock to the game, which may overload the original servers. So please be patient." said Chapek.  So while you are cooped up at home, visit the Virtual Magic Kingdom.  It's better than Club Penguin!
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Ok, this was an April Fool's joke brought to you by your friends here at LightEars and Tomorrowland Metro Retro Historical Society.  We hope this post gave you a reason to smile in these trying times.  Remember to "Just keep swimming" and "Keep moving forward" so that we can all get through this together. Also, If you want to relive your VMK memories, and make new ones with the next generation, there is a fan-made version still active called MyVMK.  You can find it at myvmk.com.

Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker Review

There has never been a fandom as vocal and as passionate as that of the Star Wars franchise. The reactions to the George Lucas prequels and Disney’s sequel trilogy have been either hot or cold with little middle ground given, and fans have been mocked and depicted in the media as toxic trolls. The final film of the Skywalker saga, Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker, continues to elicit the same passionate reactions from fans. I find myself experiencing difficulty unpacking all the details from a single viewing of the film, but I’ll try my best. I enjoyed the film as a whole, and found it to be a fitting end to the Disney-produced trilogy. Not treating it as a true finale of the entire saga is a safe place by which to effectively review its merits.

The original trilogy ended with Return of the Jedi, itself an imperfect film that would’ve likely been skewered by fans had it been released in the social media days.  Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker doesn’t have the benefit of following arguably the best film of the entire saga. On the contrary, it has to contend with the baggage left by Rian Johnson’s The Last Jedi. It’s that scenario that likely led Lucasfilm/Disney to return the stewardship of their trilogy to J.J. Abrams. After Johnson’s film turned the dangling storyline on its head (for better or worse), Abrams had the task of rebuilding his narrative. Much of the film attempts to do just that, revealing Rey’s parentage as being Palpatine and downplaying the role of Supreme Leader Snoke. I was not put off by Palpatine’s sudden reappearance, as his Modus Operandi has always been to be working the long game from within the shadows. The film logically continues Rey’s hero’s journey in the fashion of a certain former whiny farm boy. The interactions of Rey, Poe, and Finn are more akin to the camaraderie established in The Force Awakens. It’s the ease and chemistry these characters have with each other that carries the film. 

If the film suffers from anything, it’s trying to tie up too many loose ends while attempting to please everyone, which ultimately weighs down the pacing and storytelling. That being said, the film packs an emotional wallop, evident by the outward sobbing I heard from the audience. I admit that I teared up more than I would during a Pixar film. The redemption of Kylo Ren seems earned, rather than contrived. The amazing acting of Adam Driver as Ben Solo/Kylo Ren made the character’s turn to the Light Side of the Force all the more believable. The action is riveting and the special effects are incredible. The cameos and callbacks don’t feel shoehorned in, and serve to forward the story. Aside from the annoyingly unresolved “thing” that Finn was trying to tell Rey throughout the film, I found that very little was left dangling. It was as good a film as it could be to bring the saga to an end. It is important to note that there has never been such a thing as a perfect Star Wars film, although The Empire Strikes Back certainly comes close. Recalling the lack of any cohesive plan to rescue Han in Return of the Jedi, I can only imagine the fan base blowing up the Internet, had it existed and the conversation extended beyond the water cooler. Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker is the film that will be remembered as the one that tried to do much more than it needed to, being weighed down by its history. Again, as a conclusion to the Episode VII-IX trilogy, the film works well enough. 

Hicks vs Aliens: Spaced Invaders Review

Ask anyone what their favorite Disney Halloween film is and chances are they will respond with Hocus Pocus, Halloweentown, or The Legend Of Sleepy Hollow. There is a pretty good chance that they won’t respond with 1990’s Spaced Invaders. There isn’t a lot of love for this Touchstone Halloween gem. It managed to score a dismal 8% rating on Rotten Tomatoes and got a less than stellar review from Robert Ebert. The film did poorly in the cinemas and quickly faded from the public consciousness. I first saw the film on cable and the 7 year-old in me enjoyed the slapstick elements while the adult in me found the premise and culture clash hilarious.

The premise is that a rag-tag band of Martian outcasts are given the menial duty of patrolling asteroid belts while the Martian Imperial Space Navy attacks their enemy in Arcturus. The Martian forces are defeated due to the forced reliance on Enforcer Droids. The outcasts search for a signal from the fleet and instead overhear a rebroadcast of the famous Orsen Wells Halloween prank broadcast of The War of the Worlds. Like many Americans during the broadcast, the actual Martians believe the attack on Grover’s Mill is real. The band makes a beeline to Earth to join the invading Martian vanguard. They end up in the fictional rural town of Big Bean Illinois and hilarity ensues. The good people of Big Bean are a mix of stereotypes including a down on his luck old farmer played by veteran actor Royal Dano and the “New Sheriff in town” Sam played by Douglas Barr and his daughter Kathy played by future Jurassic Park alum Ariana Richards.

The Martians get into trouble right away by being clocked at 3000 miles an hour in a 35 zone by the Sherriff's deputy and pull a Back to the Future style crash in farmer Wrenchmuller’s barn. The crew consist of a mix of characters including the militaristic Giggywig whose favorite line is “Prepare to die Earth scum!” and the Jack Nicholson-cool pilot Blaznee. Being that the events occur on Halloween, the group is initially mistaken as trick-or-treaters until the dim-witted townsfolk realize what they are.

While the inhabitants of Big Bean are two dimensional stereotypical small town types, this works to the comedic betterment of the film. One standout character is a boy in a duck costume, played by J.J. Anderson,who steals every scene he is in.  The characteristics of the Martians are a nice throwback to sci-fi troupes of the 50's. The effects hold up remarkably well, due to Director Patrick Read Johnson’s early career work as a practical effects expert on 2010:The Year We Made Contact and the TV miniseries V, although my daughter commented that the Martian's heads look like talking watermelons.  Many parts of the film work and some don't but for a light-hearted, seasonal offering Spaced Invaders is an enjoyable Halloween watch with the kiddos.

Disney’s The Black Hole film had it (kinda) right.

The Hubble Space Telescope has located a black hole that closely resembles Disney’s version from the 1979 film The Black Hole. NASA scientists hypothesize that the black hole at the center of the spiral galaxy NGC-3147 is starved of matter. This may account for the difference between this and other black holes resembling the one from Christopher Nolan’s 2014 film, Interstellar.

Black holes are thought to form an acceration disk from the massive gravitational pull swallowing surrounding matter. Matter-starved black holes apparently do not form acceleration disks. It seems that artist Peter Ellenshaw wasn’t wrong back when science was lacking an accurate description of black holes. Although Heaven and Hell probably aren’t in there, at least Disney got the look of the black hole right. 

Disney Parks Announces Smoker Accommodations

Disney Parks announced this week that smoking will be banned at all Disney theme parks.  While smoking will still be permitted on property, smokers will have to leave the theme parks (and their families) to get their fix.  This decision was applauded by non-smokers as a breath of fresh air.  Smokers have been very vocal as to their disapproval of the decision and have gone to social media to vent their un-filtered outrage.  They accuse Disney of discrimination and of shaming those who suffer from nicotine addiction.   While a Disney vacation is a magical experience, it can also be very stressful for individuals trying to manage Fastpasses while organizing the many advance reservations required to dine on any food other than turkey legs and chicken tenders.  The side effects of smoking cessation, even temporary, are increased anxiety, irritability, impatience, and increased appetite for sweets and carbs.  All of these factors may be amplified by the inherent stress of a family vacation.

Always on the forefront of customer service, The Disney Company has revealed new accommodations to help smokers, and the people who love them. Bob Chapek, Chairman of Disney Parks, addressed this issue. "We here at Disney want to ensure that everyone  has a pleasant and profanity free vacation experience at the Happiest Place on Earth." said Chapek.  "The new plan is broken up into 3 main components: Accommodation, Education, and Alternative Choices". 


For the "Accommodation" component, Disney has added smoking to the list of approved needs the Disney Disability Access Card program to ensure quick access to rides without subjecting the already anxious smoker to long waits, protecting them and those waiting in a three hour cue from the risk of verbal or physical attack. Additionally, Disney has established "Calming Stations" in the former sites of the now defunct Kodak Photo Spots.  Each station will be manned by caring and compassionate Cast Members and will be equipped with stress balls, massage chairs, and selections by musical artist Enya. 

Proposed "Calming Station" signage

For the Education component, Disney will include information regarding smoking risks with park maps and on the "My Disney Experience" mobile app.  The most exciting aspect of the Education concept is the return of the Kids of the Kingdom rebranded as The Nico-Teens!  The show will be updated to reflect modern sensitivities with a focus on smoking prevention. The newly titled "Nico-Teen Clean Lung Adventure" show will combine music and dance to extol the virtues and health benefits of smoking cessation to at-risk kids age 3 and up.  "Halfway into the performance, half of the Nico-Teens will have to leave the stage from the fatigue and shortness of breath brought on by smoking." said Chapek. "It will be a powerful lesson, done in the lighthearted spirit for which Disney is famous."

The Nico-Teens

The final component of providing "Alternative Choices" will allow nicotine addicted guests to explore a variety of replacement behaviors.  Convenient vending kiosks will be available serving jittery smokers with a wide selection of sweet and greasy food options, as well as supersized cups of  coffee. Chapek was most excited about the new "Gaston's Chew Spot" located outside Gaston's Tavern in Fantasyland at Walt Disney World. "Guests will have the opportunity to "Spit like Gaston" while competing with other tobacco chewing guests." Group and individual coaching sessions will be provided by experienced Cast Members, Chapek announced.  "Whether you have been dippin' for years, or trying it out for the first time, our cast will assist you with all your chaw needs. Disney has always strived to add new experiences that our guests can take home with them."

With guest attendance projected to be at an all-time high with the big drag of Star Wars Galaxy's Edge, Disney is hoping to get ahead of the possible complications caused by unruly smokers in large numbers.  Disney's can then set it's sights on other societal issues.  "We have already begun work on defeating childhood obesity by banning large strollers from the parks." reported Chapek.  "The health and longevity of our money paying guests is our top priority."

The One with the Girl: Captain Marvel Review

Marvel broke new ground with The Black Panther, and then again, it didn't. While the setting and villain (the best sympathetic antagonist in all of the MCU)  had unique character and depth, the protagonist was cut from the same ilk as Tony Stark and Thor. I didn't find myself emotionally connected to any of those rich and powerful boys who find themselves in a jam. The same can be said of Brie Larson's Vers / Carol Danvers. Her presence itself breaks new ground for a female lead in a MCU film, although DC has been doing that since 2017. Other than that, her character isn't any more interesting than any other leading character, and that's not necessarily a bad thing.

At the beginning of the film, Vers (pronounced "Veers") is a powerful member of the Kree, who she describes with elitist zest as "Noble Warrior Heroes". She is strong, powerful, stoic, and well, boring. She doesn't get much more interesting throughout the film, but that's not the fault of Larson. What follows is a not so compelling journey of self discovery in the classic sense. The film, directed by Anna Boden and Ryan Fleck, can't figure out if it wants to be. It morphs from a sci-fi space flick, to a buddy cop movie, to a superhero movie while never fully commiting to any of those paths. The supporting characters are enjoyable, including a digitally de-aged Samuel Jackson as Nick Fury and Clark Gregg as a young Agent Coulson. The Skrull shape-shifter is played by the ever reliable Bill Medelsohn and is delightfully vibrant and eventually sympathetic. Trying to capitalize of the popularity of cute characters like Baby Groot, Boden shoehorns in a CG cuddly kitty named Goose who is taken in by the usually rough Fury.

Captain Marvel is standard Marvel fare that never rises above the fray, but it also doesn't sink below. The battles are exciting and flashy and the dialog between Danvers and Fury is clever. Unfortunately, neither reach the levels of Guardians of the Galaxy or Thor: Ragnarok. The film goes out of its way to shove 90's nostalgia down your throat with the soundtrack and dress. Not to the point of being annoying, but to the point of being obvious, from the use of old tech to Danvers in flannel with a Nine Inch Nails shirt.

I mentioned earlier that none of these issues are necessarily bad. A female lead hero in the MCU should be ubiquitous by now and that fact that it isn't is a sad statement on how little we as a society have grown. The lack of long, drawn out exposition on Danver's struggles growing up (shown in quick flashbacks) supports the notion that a female lead doesn't need to be any different then her male counterparts. Seriously, do we even care what kind of father Howard Stark was or how Thor's childhood was? We get more background on Steve Rogers' struggles than Carol Danvers' and that's ok! With that being said, we should all look to Captain Marvel as what it truly is; another solid origin story to support another Avengers movie. It doesn't need to be anything else.