Disney Parks Announces Smoker Accommodations

Disney Parks announced this week that smoking will be banned at all Disney theme parks.  While smoking will still be permitted on property, smokers will have to leave the theme parks (and their families) to get their fix.  This decision was applauded by non-smokers as a breath of fresh air.  Smokers have been very vocal as to their disapproval of the decision and have gone to social media to vent their un-filtered outrage.  They accuse Disney of discrimination and of shaming those who suffer from nicotine addiction.   While a Disney vacation is a magical experience, it can also be very stressful for individuals trying to manage Fastpasses while organizing the many advance reservations required to dine on any food other than turkey legs and chicken tenders.  The side effects of smoking cessation, even temporary, are increased anxiety, irritability, impatience, and increased appetite for sweets and carbs.  All of these factors may be amplified by the inherent stress of a family vacation.

Always on the forefront of customer service, The Disney Company has revealed new accommodations to help smokers, and the people who love them. Bob Chapek, Chairman of Disney Parks, addressed this issue. "We here at Disney want to ensure that everyone  has a pleasant and profanity free vacation experience at the Happiest Place on Earth." said Chapek.  "The new plan is broken up into 3 main components: Accommodation, Education, and Alternative Choices". 


For the "Accommodation" component, Disney has added smoking to the list of approved needs the Disney Disability Access Card program to ensure quick access to rides without subjecting the already anxious smoker to long waits, protecting them and those waiting in a three hour cue from the risk of verbal or physical attack. Additionally, Disney has established "Calming Stations" in the former sites of the now defunct Kodak Photo Spots.  Each station will be manned by caring and compassionate Cast Members and will be equipped with stress balls, massage chairs, and selections by musical artist Enya. 

Proposed "Calming Station" signage

For the Education component, Disney will include information regarding smoking risks with park maps and on the "My Disney Experience" mobile app.  The most exciting aspect of the Education concept is the return of the Kids of the Kingdom rebranded as The Nico-Teens!  The show will be updated to reflect modern sensitivities with a focus on smoking prevention. The newly titled "Nico-Teen Clean Lung Adventure" show will combine music and dance to extol the virtues and health benefits of smoking cessation to at-risk kids age 3 and up.  "Halfway into the performance, half of the Nico-Teens will have to leave the stage from the fatigue and shortness of breath brought on by smoking." said Chapek. "It will be a powerful lesson, done in the lighthearted spirit for which Disney is famous."

The Nico-Teens

The final component of providing "Alternative Choices" will allow nicotine addicted guests to explore a variety of replacement behaviors.  Convenient vending kiosks will be available serving jittery smokers with a wide selection of sweet and greasy food options, as well as supersized cups of  coffee. Chapek was most excited about the new "Gaston's Chew Spot" located outside Gaston's Tavern in Fantasyland at Walt Disney World. "Guests will have the opportunity to "Spit like Gaston" while competing with other tobacco chewing guests." Group and individual coaching sessions will be provided by experienced Cast Members, Chapek announced.  "Whether you have been dippin' for years, or trying it out for the first time, our cast will assist you with all your chaw needs. Disney has always strived to add new experiences that our guests can take home with them."

With guest attendance projected to be at an all-time high with the big drag of Star Wars Galaxy's Edge, Disney is hoping to get ahead of the possible complications caused by unruly smokers in large numbers.  Disney's can then set it's sights on other societal issues.  "We have already begun work on defeating childhood obesity by banning large strollers from the parks." reported Chapek.  "The health and longevity of our money paying guests is our top priority."

The One with the Girl: Captain Marvel Review

Marvel broke new ground with The Black Panther, and then again, it didn't. While the setting and villain (the best sympathetic antagonist in all of the MCU)  had unique character and depth, the protagonist was cut from the same ilk as Tony Stark and Thor. I didn't find myself emotionally connected to any of those rich and powerful boys who find themselves in a jam. The same can be said of Brie Larson's Vers / Carol Danvers. Her presence itself breaks new ground for a female lead in a MCU film, although DC has been doing that since 2017. Other than that, her character isn't any more interesting than any other leading character, and that's not necessarily a bad thing.

At the beginning of the film, Vers (pronounced "Veers") is a powerful member of the Kree, who she describes with elitist zest as "Noble Warrior Heroes". She is strong, powerful, stoic, and well, boring. She doesn't get much more interesting throughout the film, but that's not the fault of Larson. What follows is a not so compelling journey of self discovery in the classic sense. The film, directed by Anna Boden and Ryan Fleck, can't figure out if it wants to be. It morphs from a sci-fi space flick, to a buddy cop movie, to a superhero movie while never fully commiting to any of those paths. The supporting characters are enjoyable, including a digitally de-aged Samuel Jackson as Nick Fury and Clark Gregg as a young Agent Coulson. The Skrull shape-shifter is played by the ever reliable Bill Medelsohn and is delightfully vibrant and eventually sympathetic. Trying to capitalize of the popularity of cute characters like Baby Groot, Boden shoehorns in a CG cuddly kitty named Goose who is taken in by the usually rough Fury.

Captain Marvel is standard Marvel fare that never rises above the fray, but it also doesn't sink below. The battles are exciting and flashy and the dialog between Danvers and Fury is clever. Unfortunately, neither reach the levels of Guardians of the Galaxy or Thor: Ragnarok. The film goes out of its way to shove 90's nostalgia down your throat with the soundtrack and dress. Not to the point of being annoying, but to the point of being obvious, from the use of old tech to Danvers in flannel with a Nine Inch Nails shirt.

I mentioned earlier that none of these issues are necessarily bad. A female lead hero in the MCU should be ubiquitous by now and that fact that it isn't is a sad statement on how little we as a society have grown. The lack of long, drawn out exposition on Danver's struggles growing up (shown in quick flashbacks) supports the notion that a female lead doesn't need to be any different then her male counterparts. Seriously, do we even care what kind of father Howard Stark was or how Thor's childhood was? We get more background on Steve Rogers' struggles than Carol Danvers' and that's ok! With that being said, we should all look to Captain Marvel as what it truly is; another solid origin story to support another Avengers movie. It doesn't need to be anything else.