The Disney Company is celebrating Walt Disney World's 50th Anniversary with magical surprise announcements. Disney Chairman Bob Chapek announced the changes in a small meeting of remaining Chapek loyalists. "We listened to our guests who are asking for entirely new and exciting experiences.” said Chapek. “We will be responding those requests by creating cost effective temporary overlays to existing attractions." Cheapek went on to say that each park will have new attractions featuring fan favorite Disney classic movies from the 90's and 2000's. The following is a park by park summary of the announcements.
Chapek announced "Disney’s The Magical Kingdom will have two new features that paying customers are going to love!" The first announced change will be for Frontierland. Guests will be transported to the Little Patch of Heaven Ranch and have interactive experiences with characters from the critically lauded classic Disney film "Home on the Range." The"Milking Maggie" experience will feature a lifelike animatronic cow with realistic milk dispensing udder (they’re not real). The milk will be available to purchase in collectable cups for a "reasonable price." The Country Bear Jamboree will be renamed the “Yodeling with Alameda Slim Show" where guests can yodel along with Slim and the Bears during the nearly 5 minute performance.
Tomorrowland will see new activity in the former Mission to Mars /Stitch's Great Escape show building. The attraction will be renamed Mission to Mars Needs Moms and will feature characters and themes from the Disney smash hit movie. Guests will fly to Mars with Milo and Gribble to save Milo's mom who was kidnapped by Martians for some reason.
"Disney’s The Hollywood Movie Studios will also get into the revenue generating fun with the triumphant return of the Hunchback of Notre Dame stage show” added Chapek. “To maximize revenue while limiting resources, we will basically be using the same costumes, music, and props from the original heavily attended show." To keep the show current, unused scaffolding will be put in front of the Notre Dame background to accurately recreate the current condition of the original building being reconstructed in Paris.
Another excitingly unnecessary redesign to celebrate the 50th will be the conversion of 50's Prime Time restaurant into the Mr. Magoo Diner. "I hear that people love the interactivity of the Prime Time place there and we want to add something new." Paycheck said. "Imagine the fun of having that blind rascal, Mr. Magoo as you waiter! Guests will laugh with glee at Mr. Magoo's visual deficits as he risks physical harm by tripping and spilling hot soup and food on them." An added bonus will be the hiring of actual blind white elderly males to inhabit the role!
"Disney's Kingdom of Animals will go wild with a new addition!" Chapek said. The safari ride will be rethemed to the hit Disney film "The Wild." Cheapskate noted. "We will reference everyone's favorite jungle friends Samson and his son Ryan by placing signs with their names on them in front of our real lions." Additional animals that look like characters from the film will also get signs! Chapek's eyes light up uncannily as he describes another new change. "Since we already have a Dinosaur ride, we won't change anything, just add the label "Based on the Hit Film"." DVD's will be sold at a new cart at the exit so people will know the film even exists.
Lastly, EPCOT gets into the celebration. Fan favorite ride Soarin' will receive a new update. "We are excited to announce the update based on the wildly popular Disney classic film, "Valiant" adding new interactive features!" screamed Chapstick. Visitors will get a pigeon-eye view while flying with everyone's favorite poorly rendered pigeons, Valiant, Bugsy and Lofty. Guests will use squirt bottles filled with white and yellow viscous fluid to emulate birds defecating on people and cars below. The guest with the most “poop hits” will receive a 5% off coupon for souvenir purchases on their next visit!
"We are halfway through the 50th Anniversary celebration and we haven't seen the uptick in attendance we expected, so we hope this will improve attendance and revenue for the company without having to add any costly creativity and innovation."
